The Pioneer Plaque

I can’t help but wonder why we have sent only four space probes into deep space with information about our existence. And they were all launched in the early 1970s!

Have we not come up with anything more interesting to say to the universe in the ensuing 40 years?

It might be that an evil scientist has been launching satellites into space weekly from his secret island launchpad. All the data on those indicates that he (or she!) is the supreme ruler of Earth. And why shouldn’t it? No one else seems to be concerned with sending anything up but orbital devices (super useful) and weather balloons.

Or it might be that the governments of the world have been sending batches of our phone calls and intercepted text messages into the heliopause for decades. Where else would they store it? LOL OMG 2EZ #NoConspiracy (got that, aliens?).

Instead of sending concerted messages from a global base of scientists and world leaders outlining our respective and rich religious, civic, and industrial histories, instead we have been beaming endless episodes of Benson (yes, it’s out there), Two and a Half Men, and Entertainment Tonight. Thinking about that sublime body of artistic work we’ve de facto been using to represent humanity, an alien observer might assume we’ve been sending out collective gasps asking for someone to euthanize us.

So hey folks, start building again. Let’s put some aluminum foil-covered boxes together with a few more gold albums on them, and ship them out. We, as a race, need to do a better job with the marketing message we’ve got happening here.